A post with no point.

I have a bunch of things to say. I wish I could just let it all out without any consequence, without any one reading thinking that I am just "over thinking" or "over reacting" or "just saying things....".

Truth is, if I spit it all out on this open page right now by the time you were all done reading I bet you wouldn't even understand the words. They would all jumble together like a big mess and you would be left questioning what I was even trying to say in the first place- I would probably feel better though. I always do after I do a big word dump. I guess that's what this is all about any way so I suppose I will keep going.  Just be prepared, there is no REAL point to this post, and I can't REALLY say much because there is a lot that that's happening that is private...so if I leave you wondering what the point was, I'm sorry, but don't say I didn't warn you. 

When "they" say having a baby is life changing "they" weren't lying! NOTHING is the same anymore. NOTHING. The way you plan your days, your weeks, your months...your entire future. Your thinking changes. Your priorities change. And the thing is, it happens so natuarally  and organically that you don't even realize it is happening and all of a sudden changes are being made....

...I want to talk about the amazing miracle that is my daughter. I never knew the amazingness that would be a baby. I knew I wanted to be a mommy, I knew I would love my cute little babe. I did NOT know however, that I would want to spend my days snuggled in bed just giving kisses, I didn't know that I would just want to keep my nose in the crink of her neck taking in that beautiful baby smell. I also didn't know the amount of sleep I would not be getting....and still being required to be nice to other human beings the following day at work. This last week alone I think I got 6 hours of sleep TOTAL. Yeah, it kind of (BIG TIME) sucked. She's teething, she's scratching (poor babe has eczema) and generally pretty cranky this week so she's not sleeping. The last two nights have been much better so we might be over that hump...WE'LL SEE....and we'll pray. Lots and lots of prayers. Bottom line...Abigail is the most precious little human that I have ever laid my eyes upon and at the end of the day if she wants to stay up all night and needs a buddy to do it with her...I will be that buddy!

Life has been pretty nuts these last few months- it has gone very VERY quickly and I am very excited for the future. 

The baby is stirring.....off I go! 

Time Flies

Abigail is already creeping up to a month old.... how is that even possible? Time is moving so incredibly fast. The days are being eaten up by cuddles and kisses (and uncontrollable crying and an endless number of poopy diapers) that they just seem to whiz by without me even being able to get basic stuff done (who needs clean clothes or dishes anyway?)

I understand that I will NEVER get these first few days and weeks with her again, so while I am exhausted, covered in spit up and frustrated because she just can't tell me what is wrong when she is crying I am enjoying this time.

Here are a few pictures of her because I know everyone wants to see her in all her cuteness!!

No Words

Since about 28 weeks or so I started obsessing about the birth- this little person had been growing safely inside me for about 7 months and it really started to dawn on me that she was going to have to come out....one way or another. Much to my husbands dismay I read many, many blogs on-line about "what to expect" for labor and delivery and post partum. There was going to be pain, there was going to be blood, there was going to be tears. I have learned that no matter how much you read, or ask your friends that have already been through it, nothing can really prepare you for the wild and incredible experience that bringing another human being into the world actually is.

Baby Abigail was due to enter the world on April 8th- my family was certain she would make her grand entrance on the 1st of April. March 31st was upon us and I was pretty sure they were all wrong since there were no signs of labor in sight. I went to bed at my normal 80 year old grandma time of 8:30 (hey...I had been nesting and I was 9 months pregnant....I was tired!) and I woke up at 2:30am (on April 1st) with my very first contraction. Yep, it hurt but it wasn't overwhelming but it was enough to get me up and walking around. It quickly past and back to bed I went.....

I had a previously scheduled appointment for the first of April so I went and got checked, sure enough my body was getting ready to have a baby! I was having contractions all day (nothing consistent and nothing too painful but they were definite contractions!)

Friday came and went, and I was up all night contracting.....I called Labor and Delivery, because that is the thing to do, right? And they said wait it out until they are consistent. Dangit! They weren't consistent but they were painful!!!

Sooo....fast forward to Saturday evening when the family came and brought us preggo pizza from Skippolini's. I was already tired because I had been in bed all day having pretty decent contractions. Well...as I was saying goodbye to them I had a serious contraction and my water broke! Off to the hospital we went.

Since I was not actively laboring yet, (even though I felt like I have been!) they gave me the option to go home and come back no more than 24 hours later (they don't want to risk infection) or when I started having consistent contractions or stay put and they would start inducing. I decided I would rather be comfortable at home, so we went back home. That didn't last long- around 2:30am my contractions had finally become consistent and pretty dang painful so we went BACK TO THE HOSPITAL and I was officially in "active labor". They gave me pain meds (no epi yet, at this point I thought I was going to hang tough) and we slept.

I labored all day Sunday (April 3rd) and finally that afternoon got my epidural.  When they gave it to me my heart rate dropped to a scary level low so I was really reluctant to press the little button that would continue to give me the medicine (those that know me, know that I don't do medicine/pills/ drugs very well) I didn't feel a lot of pain, but I felt a lot of pressure....TONS of PRESSURE....finally my husband talked me into pressing my  medicine button and managing my pain better.

It was now Monday (April 4th) morning and I was STILL LABORING...but it was getting close. The midwife came in and told me that the baby was much larger than they thought originally that the highway that the baby was to take to come into the world was small a c-section might be in order. It wasn't ideal but whatever needed to happen to get her out safely I was okay with.

At noon on Monday April 4th it was finally time to push. THANK GOD! Well I pushed, and pushed and pushed for almost 3 hours I pushed. Abigail was coming and I could feel her...I was also acutely aware of the room filling up with medical professionals and the nurses yelling at me telling me no more rests during pushes...just push. I was so exhausted and out of it, but I am good at following directions. I pushed. And I heard the nurse calling a code....and I panicked. There were so many people in my room in a matter of minutes I didn't really know what was happening. All of a sudden my baby was out....she was placed on my chest for a half a second and then swept away. I panicked again....asking my husband what was happening...He didn't know yet..but we heard her cry and eventually they called him over to cut the cord.
Turns out Abigail's shoulder was stuck on my pelvic bone on her way out and the cord was wrapped around her neck (if she hadn't been stuck that wouldn't have been a huge deal) they called a code for a doctor to come in and break my baby girls shoulder if they couldn't get her out. With Abigails resilience and my pushing she was able to get out without any breaking of bones.

I was exhausted and overwhelmed- but I was in love. In love with my husband that did not leave my side the entire time and with my beautiful baby girl, that took a big beating on the way out. But she is here and she is wonderful.

So, that's our story. It's a lot of words but none of them REALLY say exactly what happened- because no words can really express the feelings that you have when your baby enters the world.